Hide & Seek

The route to awareness is different for each of us. Some of us like others pointing the way, but for others this simply doesn't work. In fact, it can lead to further defending & hiding. Decide to locate your own preferences & work diligently with those, because until you are willing to wake up & see, little can be accomplished...Elizabeth Bohorquez, RN, C.Ht

We are all creative beings, but in order to experience this inner force, you must awaken & then feed it. If you've not experienced this type of mind-work, I invite you to do so. Here are a few complimentary mp3 downloads. Each is a full interactive self-hypnosis session & part of a complete 2-3 track series. Current ones include...

Self-Image Affirmations
Enhancing Creativity
Dream Scaping

I'll be changing these soon, so be sure to take advantage of their presence.

HIDE & SEEK

Yes, it is difficult to acknowledge one's short-comings & the idea of going out to search for them can be very frightening. That's why it's common to play the mind-game of defend & hide. Sometimes the name of the game is "hide" & then when found out, to "defend." Powerful emotions are involved in both games, the most toxic being fear, shame & guilt....some having been programmed in the past by others, or self-delivered. I ask you to look for these patterns in yourself, because you will want to disassemble them. They were never helpful & certainly they are not helpful now.

I bring this subject up today because several of my new patients & online group members brought their "game boards" into their discussions with me. I'm always taken with the desire to be honest & I must admit, that sometimes I'm surprised by this, because no one truly needs to do so. I tend to think this happens because there comes a time when "enough is enough." People seem to know if they truly want to be helped, they must begin to reveal themselves. But, this revelation is just the beginning & in itself, it's not enough.

ACKNOWLEDGING THE GAME BOARDS

If I'm working with individuals, it's my job to interview the "game board." If you are working alone with your game board, you can follow the same techniques. Just as if the "game board" was a living entity, there are things I want to know. First, I'm interested to know how old they are. The ones brought in this week originated over 30 years ago, one as old as fifty years. Those are pretty old games & a close look at the boards & pieces can tell us alot about the development of the individual's addiction & eating disorder.

Astrid has been hiding many aspects of her eating disorder & addictions for her entire adult life. She began her eating disorder behaviors & formulating her patterns early in childhood. Significant others in her life "had noticed" her need to over-eat & continually brought this to her attention, sometimes in very critical & demeaning ways. This infuriated Astrid, but at the same time made her feel guilty & filled her with shame. As Astrid tells it, there was a part of her that enjoyed "living on the edge" while "hiding her behaviors." She was only five years old when she became a closet eater & a manipulator of the food in her family's cupboards & fridge. As she puts it, she could re-arrange a box of cookies or even a bowl of jello, as to make it difficult to know that much of it was gone. As she grew older, she would buy a new box or cookies or make a new bowl of jello & make it look "exactly" like the box or bowl that had originated in the cupboard or fridge.

She became an expert at building "imposters" & each time she got away with it, which was almost always, her inner-self sang out praises of her successful deceiving behaviors. Of course, this was most enjoyable & rewarding to her inner self. Astrid continues to do so today, only now she is much more skillful than she was as a child. Part of her doesn't want to give up this seemingly successful part of her "inner self-value." Unfortunately, these behaviors support Astrid's eating disorder & if she truly wants to get well & stay well, she will have to give this up. Those of us who have been there can be sympathetic to her inner conflict & can understand why this part of her is in hiding.

Judith also has an eating disorder & while she is in hiding with different facets of her disorder, her situation is completely different. However, the techniques for dealing with her "game board", remain the same. Judith must be willing to come out & stand in the sunshine with the elements of her board held straight out for all to see.

Judith doesn't remember when her eating disorder began. Part of the reason for that is that she doesn't want to see the depths of her problems. That area of her life is extremely painful & it is impossible for her to separate those issues right now. I truly feel that she will be able to do so in the future, but for now it is hard enough for her to show us part of her "game board" & to acknowledge when & where she's hiding.

Judith is a professional woman who holds a highly visible executive position in a leading industry. She appears competent & in control as she manages a large staff. She is meticulously dressed & well manicured in every aspect, but once she goes home & changes her clothes, she becomes a full-blown food addict that includes bingeing & purging. She has special places to buy her "supplies" & "drugs of choice", for indeed, that is what they are. Parts of Judith love this "second-self", while other parts simply deplore her & wish she were dead. As Judith explains it, "that part doesn't come forth until after I've completed the shopping, eating, bingeing & purging." The part that partakes in the active patterns is so excited to get going. The release is tremendous & quite honestly, I don't want to give it up. That part of me says, "why should I? I deserve to release & be free. This is my true self & to deny it would be wrong. Actually my professional self is my sick self."

TRUTH IN THE PUDDING

Yes, there are many truths in what Astrid & Judith share. They both do need to release & relax deeply & they certainly deserve the freedom of doing so, only this type of freedom isn't "truly free" & comes with an enormous price including damage to the body, mind & spirit. There are many aspects of their Selves that need to be addressed & although their patterns are different, the tools remain the same.

Awareness & coming out of hiding is key. Hiding behaviors speak for themselves. They are simply not healthy for self-image & esteem. We need to be able to hold out our truths in front of us & to feel free of the need to defend them. We need to be willing to be self-responsible for caring for all parts of ourselves without judgement or any other kind of put-down, seeing all aspects of our behaviors for what they are..... a need to release. Then we are ready to self-evaluate & decide to change what doesn't work & here's the key..........to replace each facet or aspect of the behavior with something better & more effective.

Judith & Astrid are presently working on this utilizing Interactive Self-Hypnosis & will be bringing their suggestions in the next blog/workshop entry.